You know when you’re trying to explain the difference between loving someone and being in love?
It’s hard to explain but deep inside you know there’s a fundamental difference. You can’t exactly articulate what you mean, so you result to metaphors.
Its like trying to explain the difference between being out of breathe and breathless.
The same can be said for trying to explain the difference between being depressed and being in depression.
When you’re in a constant state of being depressed, people get used to your mood swings and apathy.
But when you’re in depression, it’s like even the depressed version of you isn’t recognizable.
When you’re in it…like, really in it…
It’s all consuming.
It takes over every part of your being for that moment and the moments after.
It’s all you can see and feel and hear.
It’s impossible to drown it out.
Like that overwhelming feeling you have when you first fall in love, you can’t see clearly.
You only see hopelessness and worthlessness.
You can’t know that this too shall pass.
Just as when you’re in love, that feeling isn’t permanent and that’s partly why it’s hard to describe.
Unlike loving, being in love is fleeting and passing.
Being in depression, those days where it feels unbearable, is also fleeting and passing.
And you’re left thinking, if falling in love just happens, than maybe falling in depression does too. And it’s not something to control or be afraid of.
It’s a burst of overwhelming, sometimes contradicting, emotions that changes you and that’s okay.
But you’re also left wondering about how falling in love might not be in your control but that loving someone is a choice. And wondering if that’s true, maybe being depressed is a choice too.