A Distraction

When we met, you said you didn’t want to be a distraction to me. But, I think the opposite is true.

Maybe all the other stuff I’m doing is just distracting me from what I’m supposed to do here.

Maybe I’m here to find love and friendship.

Maybe I’m here to find the person that is supposed to show me that it’s okay to trust and its okay to be vulnerable.

Honestly, I’ve never just liked someone so completely and so unconditionally before I met you.

I’m so good at picking things apart and finding problems in everything  and everyone. But the things that I thought I didn’t like, I like about you.

Like our first kiss.

We spent the whole night avoiding it. But the tension built. I sat on the counter as you stood in front of me, our lips barely grazing. And then we kissed, like it’s the one thing we were both waiting for.

It felt right in all the right ways. I wanted more. I wanted to be more. But when you asked if we could be together, I said no.

And I know it was the right thing to say because eventually you would’ve lost interest in me or found out how broken I really am. But a part of me wishes that we were together. If only for a little while.

If only to have a million of those kisses again. If only to have you wrap your arms around me again. If only to know what it’s like to be with someone as special as you.

If only to show you that you deserve to love and be loved, too. ❤

If only to have the privilege of getting my heart broken by you.

If only as a distraction.

I Hope One Day You Fall Madly in Love

A while back I told you that I truly hoped that one day you find someone that you could fall head over heels in love with, even if it wouldn’t be me.

You seemed surprised when I said it. But I was being honest.

I know that I could never make you happy, and even though it pains me to say it, I hope you find someone better.

Someone that you wake up and think about every morning and someone that makes you want to stay up all night.

You deserve the kissing in the rain, can’t wait to hold you, ‘okay’ will be our always kinda love.

You deserve someone that understands you and makes you smile and laugh and cry tears of joy all in the same day.

You deserve someone that can take you out of your depression, if only for a little while, and show you the light.

You deserve happiness.

And I know you believe happiness comes from within, but its a whole lot easier when there’s someone that’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of standing next to you.

And even though you didn’t choose me, I hope one day you fall madly in love. And live happily ever after.

“You’re amazing but I don’t like you in that way…”

Have you ever had a “friend” tell you that you’re beautiful and smart and funny and that anyone would be lucky to have you then proceed to tell you that they don’t like you?

You ask them, if you think I’m all these great things why don’t you like me?

But, their response is never sufficient. They can’t articulate why it is that your beauty, intelligence and wit are not good enough for them.

But I know why. They don’t like you because you like them. No really. You’ve made yourself too available.

While you’re more interested in building a meaningful relationship, they only care about the game. The chase.

Even though you get along so well and talk all the time, they think love should be difficult and complicated and painful. And you’re none of those things.

When you’re together, it comes natural. But for most people, natural is easy and easy is boring.

So you might be beautiful, smart, and funny, but being with you is too safe and comforting. They want to be hurt and messed with. They want the ups and downs and the drama.

Back off. You may be what they need but you’re not what they want.

You can’t make them like you.

Every time you try, another piece of you breaks. Until there’s nothing left to give.