By far, the worse thing about depression is the days where you feel numb.
You’re not really sad or upset or lonely. And even though the emotion is unexplainable, it demands to be felt.
The numbness takes over and your depression is more crippling than ever. You can’t move or speak or think because you know you’ll feel nothing.
You dont really care about anyone or anything. You’re short with your family and you ignore your friends.
Nothing anyone could say could make you feel anything. So you try to avoid everyone at all costs.
You try distraction after distraction: Netflix, YouTube, reading, writing. But you end up right where you started.
Numb. Falling deeper into the void.
Until eventually the numbness turns into guilt. And you feel shitty for ignoring the people around you. You feel awful that you can’t force yourself to care. And you hate yourself for not just being like everyone else.
So you force a smile, bury the numbness, and pretend to care. You cope for the sake of those around you.
Hoping that one day you’ll actually feel something.