When you suffer from an eating disorder and decide that you’ve had enough, there are thousands of conversations you have to have with yourself. One of the toughest is whether you or your body is more important to you.
Recovery involves doing a lot of things to your body that you never would’ve done otherwise.
Mainly, it involves doing a lot of “normal” behaviors that other people do.
Not obsessessing about calories.
Exercising for fitness and not as a punishment.
Not vommiting for any reason other than the flu.
To a person without an ED, these probably seen like no brainers. But a part of me and I believe other people with EDs believe we don’t deserve this normalcy.
If we’re not thin, we don’t deserve to eat food.
If we’re not thin, one workout is just not enough.
In our heads, we don’t deserve recovery until we’re thin.
But that means recovery never comes.
So when the time comes you have to choose: you or your body.
Every day you have to choose to put your health, happiness, and sanity above your physical appearance even if it feels impossible.
Today, I choose me.
I don’t know about tomorrow.