A big part of having an ED, depression, and anxiety is the inevitable low self esteem and body image issues that come with the territory.
So when I was a teenager I never really tried dating. In fact, the only two people I have really dated sort of fell into my life. And throughout both of those relationships, I hated everything about me: my face, my body, my hair. Even the untangibles: my personality, my laugh.
You see, while other girls were busy having crushes, I was sitting in the corner saying ‘one day’. I would see someone like you and think “aw their nice and cute but it would never work out anyway. I’m too neurotic, ugly, crazy, stupid, worthless.” And my favorite: damaged goods.
You say we’re friends and that you like me, but I can see in your eyes that you think I’m damaged. I’m clingy. I’m needy. I’m not enough.
But… I like, like you. And I’m having a hard time keeping you out of my head.
You’re so smart and clever and cute. You make me laugh out loud until my stomach hurts. We can debate anything and talk about everything. Sometimes it feels like you’re my best friend.
But my doubts creep in.
There are a million reasons why it will never work out. But this time, I can’t pretend like I don’t like you. I can’t keep my cool when you’re around. All of my insecurities from when I was teenager are racing back.
I’m 23 now, and I want to believe that I deserve happiness. I want to believe that when you look at me you think I’m just as beautiful and sweet as you are.
I just want you to like, like me too.