Me, My Scale, & I

To say I’m obsessed with my scale would be an understatement. There is nothing else in the universe that can control my feelings and emotions so completely.

A Typical Day

6:45 AM – My stomach growls as I pull myself out of bed and make my way to the bathroom. The house is silent and cold as I take off everything except my underwear and sit down to pee. I think to myself, these steps are non-negotiable.

Seconds later, I pull out on my shiny black scale that measures to the tenth of a pound. My heart races. I take a deep breath and turn it on. I see the 000.0 and know there’s no turning back.

145.5

I exhale a sign of relief while mentally trying the calculate whether I’ve lost 3.2 or 3.3 lbs. Every ounce counts. My thoughts start racing. Yes! It’s working. I’m strong. I’m worthy. I smile for a second, feeling proud of my “accomplishment”. Fasting Monday really did help, even if it took me twice as long to read for class because I was light headed. It was worth it. I take a moment I reminisce about the good ole days when my strength had gotten me down to 128.0 bringing my total weight loss to 132lbs. The summer I lost my period and usually only ate 1 Kashi bar during a 12-hour period. I look down more time and read 145.5

Then I step off, feeling like my trusted friend is lying to me. So I weigh myself again.

145.6

This time it’s saying I only lost 3.2 and not 3.3. My heart drops. How?! Why?! I step off again and start over. Deep breath.

145.6

Maybe I should go pee again? No. Maybe I’ll try again after my workout.

45 mins later- I get on and the number has gone down again.

145.2

I mouth a silent yes. I don’t care if its water weight. Feeling especially pleased with myself, I’m ready to start the day.

5:00-I walk in from school and head straight to the scale. Glad I always walk the 20 minutes to school. The scale is happy so I’m happy. Skipping lunch did the trick.

145.0

Hw. Netflix. Hw. And before bed, I say good night to my scale to make sure things between us haven’t changed.

145.0

I lay down with an empty stomach to start all over again tomorrow.

Articles always talk about how the most successful dieters are those that weigh themselves everyday. In my experience, that behavior also makes the most “successful” EDNOS.

I’m trying to avoid the scale during my recovery, but its been difficult so far. I can’t continue to let the number control me.

-(Rule)

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